Pampering Fails!

Okay so my friend and I agreed that once a week we shall pamper ourselves and try to up our skills on girl-ing. It’s supposed to be on Tuesdays but screw it, I missed Tues and today (Thurs) is closer to it than next Tuesday is. Anyway, as it stands I barely “girl” at all. The most I do is shower, shave, get emotional over stupid stuff, bleed once a month, wear skirts/dresses once in a while, and fail at video games but insist on playing them anyway.

I have shortish hair (basically a grown out pixie). To style it I just shower, towel dry, then let it do it’s own thing. If the bangs drive me crazy I straighten them. But that’s all I do! No makeup, no gel, no head accessories, nothin! 

So today I figured for my pampering I’d pluck my eyebrows, play with eyeliner, and straighten my hair. 

~Results~

Plucking eyebrows- I learned that the end of my left eyebrow splits off in two different directions! What the eff! I didn’t know which direction to go so I just left it and tried to squeeze the hairs together.

Straightening hair- I look like I just showered and brushed my hair so it’s flat to my head. My hair’s usually fluffy, wavy, and nonconforming. I tried putting a hairband in so it looked less boring but I had to take that out cos it was squeezing my fat head and giving me a headache.

Eyeliner- Started off pretty good, I thought. I was leaning over the counter and looking at the medicine cabinet mirror so I could get a closeup and see what I was doing. When I finished I looked at the normal bathroom mirror and found my 17 year old gothic self staring back at me with my long, straight bangs and black eyeliner. Also a few weeks ago I dyed my hair to hide my grays and it came out nearly black so that added to my high school self’s likeness.

I tried rubbing the eyeliner off the bottom part of my eye and it got in the grooves of my –get this– incoming wrinkles! I AM NOT EVEN 30 YET AND I HAVE EYE WRINKLES FORMING! The elasticity of my upper cheek skin is beginning to fail me already! I pulled the skin the other way to hide the incoming wrinkles and it stayed there, but slowly moved back again. It didn’t snap/bounce back, it went back at a slug’s pace! This is bull sheet! On top of that I thought I had smudged the eyeliner all under my eyes. I rubbed and rubbed at it, trying to get it off. I tried just washing the eyeliner off and nothing happened (which would be awesome if I wanted it there I guess). Came to find out it wasn’t smudged makeup, it was just dark circles under my eyes. 

All in all I’d say pamper day failed and I need an adult.

Oh em gee, faakkkk I have something in my eye and every time I try to rub it I just get eyeliner all over my fingers. EVERY SINGLE FINGER HAS BLACK SMUDGES NOW!!! And still no luck getting the thing out of my eye. Rip me.

Note to self: Eyeliner is water resistant but not smudge-on-all-your-fingers resistant.

P.S. I was looking for a picture of an irritated eye to set as my featured image because of me having something in my eye. The image results made me gag and I suddenly realized my world is right as rain compared to what I have just seen. I need eye bleach. Help. I cannot unsee what I just saw. It was disgusting. I nope’d out of it hard af. Now you just get bleach as your picture.